Despatches August 2025

A Rip-Roaring Fortnight on the Global Stage It’s been a lively couple of weeks in the theatre of world politics and conflict. Russian premier Vladimir Putin made his way to Alaska for peace talks with President Trump. From the outset, the atmosphere was less “handshake diplomacy” and more “sabre rattling and phallic measuring.” The moment was punctuated by a rather theatrical flyover: a B-2 Stealth bomber escorted by four F-35 Lightnings, thundering overhead as the two leaders met. Ostensibly, it was a show of patriotic zeal and American aeronautical prowess — though, for aviation fans, it also made for one hell of a photo op. Historic too: “closest a bomber crew has been to a Russian president” since the Cold War.

As for the talks themselves — unfruitful. No ceasefire. No major concessions. A few words about tariffs and financial headaches, but nothing binding. On paper, this looks like a PR win for Putin; in practice, it’s mostly theatre. Both sides made strong demands, neither budged, and the headlines will likely matter more than the substance. Putin, ever the last-word man, closed with a pointed “Next time in Moscow” — a soundbite designed to echo through the 24-hour news cycle longer than the meeting itself.

Obituary: Flecktarn, 1976–2029 From geopolitics to fashion news of the martial variety: it is with a heavy heart that I announce the impending death of Flecktarn. Conceived in West Germany in 1976, rolled out after reunification in 1990, and instantly recognisable the world over, Flecktarn has been a constant companion — on battlefields, in newsreels, in wardrobes, and yes, occasionally on the runway. Its distinct blotched pattern defined a generation of German soldiers and gave the Bundeswehr a unique identity among NATO partners. But time marches on. By 2029, Flecktarn will be fully retired, replaced by Multitarn — Germany’s entry into the increasingly crowded world of multi-terrain camouflage. Already sported by the KSK, the new pattern promises versatility and modernity, but at the cost of individuality. It’s a shame, really. The colourful patchwork of NATO camos — DPM, Flecktarn, M81 Woodland — once made multinational forces look like a walking fashion week of military tradition. Now, everyone’s just blending into the same beige-green soup. As Syndrome put it in The Incredibles: “When everyone’s super, no one is.” Rest well, Flecktarn. Your splotches may fade from the ranks, but never from our hearts… or our closets. And yes — the second I get my hands on Multitarn, you’d better believe I’ll be wearing the hell out of it.